My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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