Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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