I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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