FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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