there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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