I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
