someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
