Where is the hickey?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
