Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
