I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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