So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
