Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
