I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
