Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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