Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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