if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
