I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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