Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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