so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
