I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
