i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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