too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
