there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
