Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
