Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
