apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
