That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
