I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
