I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
