tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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