Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
