She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
