It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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