If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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