What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
