Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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