Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
