So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
