She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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