Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
