Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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