There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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