Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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