I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
