I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
