I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
