Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
