when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
