Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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