Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
