what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
