I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
