I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We need to get me chipped asap
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
