Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
