Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
