I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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