I'm gonna have a badass scar
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
