I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
